Like most people, I worry about the future. My worries are a little different than those of most people, at least the ones who don't have an illness like mine...
I worry about so many things about the future. Will I be able to keep working? How long until I have to go on disability? Will anyone be around to take care of me or will they care to? If I think too much about these things, I'm pretty certain my head would just explode. Most of the time I feel pretty confident that things will work out and that there is a greater plan at work, but sometimes, it's really difficult, especially on those days when getting out of bed feels like too much.
Recently, I've noticed some visual acuity changes. I went to a shopping center ophthalmologist. He said I need to see a better one with better machines. My eyesight has deteriorated a quarter over the past year. Prior to that, it hadn't changed in over 6 years. It frightens me because plaquenil can cause these changes. So, in addition to the hair stuff (which I mentioned the other day), I am really worried about my eye sight, but I really don't want to see a doctor about it. Funny how that works, huh?
I really feel like there's a lot going on with me in an emotional sense. The thoughts of what will happen next if the plaquenil has to be stopped are frequent and scary and bring me back to those worried I mentioned earlier. What if I have to go on chemo for the autoimmune stuff? What if I have to get IVIG more frequently? Both of these are possible, maybe not probable, but I really won't know until I see an eye doctor and call my rheumatologist. I promise I will, it's just a difficult call to make. It makes me really sad.
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