Over the past several days, I've realized that I really enjoy helping other patients navigate complicated situations, managing their care, and finding solutions to insurance difficulties. I enjoy this because I know personally how valuable this is. I would love to do this professionally, but the problem is: sick people often can't afford their medication, how would they afford someone to help them manage their situations? They really can't.
I think medical social work would be the way to approach this problem and be in a situation where I could reach and assist more people. I am not in a situation to go back to school. As mopey as I know that sounds, it's just a fact of life. I am not independently wealthy and must work to provide myself the insurance I need. Many school policies absolutely suck, so going on one of those really isn't a good option for me. Some would suggest I work and go to school. These people are nuts and do not live with chronic illness. I can barely buy groceries for myself and make dinner in the same night after work. I really don't think I can manage the added stress and scheduling difficulties that going to school while working would require.
So my desire to do these things plays out in online support groups. I do research, I offer advice, and give what assistance I can. It is fulfilling in a lot of ways, but it can also be very difficult. Sometimes people hit a nerve with me that makes it challenging to maintain my own sense of calm and decorum. Sometimes, they hit nerves that strike at things that hurt me outside the illness realm. It's hard to remember sometimes and create reasonable boundaries for myself. It's especially difficult when you understand what people are going through, but can't appropriately express it. It's even worse when you feel like you've become the bad guy in the situation. I know it may not make much sense, but sometimes it is easy to find fault within yourself for the way you've handled a situation. We all do the best we can.
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