Inability

Inability is wicked.

There are tons of things I probably shouldn't do with a PIDD. There are things that are counterindicated and blah blah blah. I know I take a lot of "risks," but often these things are rewarding and/or necessary to continue to live a normal life.

Then comes the inability. Oh man. Today, guys, for serious, I could not for the life of me open my soda bottle. I struggled for several minutes to open the thing. Now, I'm pretty sure they haven't made these things locked down like Fort Knox, but that's how I felt. I did finally get it open, but left indentations on my hands to be able to grip it tight enough to open it. Seriously. From a soda bottle. Yeah. I'm that special.

It's stuff like this that makes me consider the big picture fears I have about career, family, etc. These fears, coupled with my overarching feeling of inability, can really impact the choices I make. Why am I doing my current job? Health insurance. Is that a good reason to take employment? Absolutely not. Did I have a choice? Not really.

There's this pervasive message in the US that you can do anything you set your mind to, be anything, anywhere. For some people, that's not the case. For me, that's not the case. I am generally an optimistic person and will still try to do those things I shouldn't or can't do, but that doesn't make it any easier. In fact, sometimes, it makes it more difficult to come to terms with the reality of inability.