Manageable...

I have a feeling that now that I'm actually typing this out, I won't feel this way anymore, but here goes...

I feel very much like I've reached a point of manageability with my medical stuff. I feel stable for the first time in a long, long time. I still get fatigued, I still have pain issues on occasion, but generally I really do feel like I could feel this way for the rest of my life and be fortunate.

I guess coming back from vacation will do that, along with a long stint without antibiotics. This is almost what normal people feel like. It's a good thing.

My feelings of guilt are hard to manage sometimes, though. I have friends who are struggling with this stuff and can't seem to get a firm grip on anything... on treatment plans, on doctors, on which medications to take... It's so complex and it's hard to see friends go through such struggles, especially when I feel pretty good more often than I don't. It's something I often deal with, but I know they don't begrudge my happiness and well-being, so I should respect that and try not to feel guilty. Work in progress, obviously.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm glad to feel good. I'm even more glad that this has given me the opportunity to kind of spread my wings and seek out a new primary doctor. My first visit was great. I should be getting some blood work results this week, so hopefully no surprises there. It's kind of nice to go in for an annual physical and have no real problems to discuss. I'm sure that will change, but for now, I am doing my best to enjoy it.